I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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