my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
