Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
