That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
