I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry about my life...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
