just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
