He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
