Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
