smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
