is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
