Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
