Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
