I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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