wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
