you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
