So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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