Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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