I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she told me i tasted like america
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
