I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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