So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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