Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I believe in your delicious
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
