Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
