Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
