turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
