why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
