'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
