I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
