I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
