Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
