Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
