just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the condom got lost in my hair
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
