bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
