The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
