Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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