What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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