he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
