Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
