Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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