I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
