based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
