Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That accounts for only three of the penises
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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