No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
