So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
