I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
