You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
