wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
