I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
