So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
