ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
