I'm so fucking centered right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
