I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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