would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
