walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just high enough for therapy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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