i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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