I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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