I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
